


i thought you knew me by now (i'll never leave you alone)

by meganwrites5



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:47:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28686594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meganwrites5/pseuds/meganwrites5
Summary: Natasha is facing demons from her past every single day of her life. When she has a bad mission, she is dazed for days over it. How will a former playboy bring her back?
Relationships: Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 51





	i thought you knew me by now (i'll never leave you alone)

**Author's Note:**

> I used Google Translate for the Russian bits, so sorry if it's wrong!

It's not that Natasha Romanov wasn't happy. In fact, she was the happiest she had been her entire life. She had a stable job that she loved, good teammates (friends that would soon become family), a roof over her head, food on the table, and clothes on her back. Sure, Tony pissed her off every now and then, but he was generous enough to give the team new and improved weapons, a room at the Tower, and pay for almost everything. Clint pissed her off every now and then with his stupid pranks but he saved her and brought her to SHIELD. Steve sometimes acted too much like Captain America off the battlefield but was still a good man at heart. Thor called everyone puny mortals and was often very messy, but is a goofy, lighthearted man that was really the definition of a puppy. Bruce (well, technically the Hulk) almost killed her early on but is a gentle and smart a man could ever be.

So yes. Natasha was happy. And more importantly, Natasha was grateful. In what world would the Black Widow, an emotionless, ruthless spy ever get anything she got? There was only one problem. She didn't deserve any of it. She didn't earn any of it. She didn't deserve to be happy. The looks in her friends' eyes as she killed them still haunt her to this day. She can still remember the screams of the children as she set the hospital on fire. Every single man she lured into bed just to end their life is still present in her mind. People say that memories last forever and well, Natasha thinks that's damn right. 

However, it was a mission when everything went to hell for Natasha. It was a solo mission to infiltrate a HYDRA base, which should've been no big deal, right? It was a semi-regular mission, so piece of cake? Wrong. For starters, the mission took place in Russia. The same Russia where she was born, where her parents died, where she was taken and forced to become an assassin, and where she first killed someone. Second, Clint and Steve were supposed to go with her (which would've calmed her down) but were needed last second at SHIELD Headquarters. Thirdly, she had been up with nightmares and hardly gotten a lick of sleep. All in all, nearly everything that had to do with the mission was a recipe for an absolute shitshow. 

Once she arrived at the base, she executed the plan perfectly and was nearly done when everything took a turn. She was just about to head out with the flash drive she needed when she came face to face with one last HYDRA agent. 

"Ну-ну, если это не Черная Вдова," he spat. (Well, well, well, if it isn't the Black Widow.)

"Да, именно так," Natasha raised an eyebrow. (Yes, it is.)

"Вы могли бы стать ВЕЛИКИМ творением России, если бы не стали предателем," he sneered. (You could have become a GREAT creation of Russia if you had not become a traitor.)

"Я ни о чем не жалею," Natasha proudly held her ground. 

"О, но ты должен," the man chuckled darkly. (Oh, but you should.)

The man then began to recite Natasha's old trigger words, and she felt her mind starting to spin. She struggled to fight and stay calm as her old self and thoughts began to re-emerge. 

"Agent Romanov!" Nick Fury's voice suddenly filled her earpiece. "Get your ass out of there now! The bomb is 90 seconds from detonation!"

Snapping out of her trance, Natasha used her gun to shoot the man. As she watched him drop, she sprinted past him and got out of the building as soon as she could. Without looking back, she hopped onto the Quinjet and turned on autopilot as she sank into the pilot's seat and felt her eyelids become heavier. The second she closed her eyes, she was back in the Red Room and old memories began replaying in her mind. 

"You'll break them."

"Only the breakable ones."

Resisting sleep, she dragged her feet to her locker (each Avenger got one) and grabbed her tablet to play games. She also found a coffee in the jet's fridge and guzzled it. Once she got bored with the tablet, she switched to her phone and checked her SHIELD email, deleting some and responding to some. There were also a few texts from Clint, asking about the mission as well as some in the Avengers group chat, where they were arguing over what was for dinner. 

"Idiots," Nat rolled her eyes and smiled. "But they're my idiots."

Switching to the text chain with Clint, she decided she didn't want to talk about the mission. Not yet at least. And lucky for her, she had landed at SHIELD Headquarters and immediately had to go to Medical (protocol). Lucky for her, not much more than a few bruises and soreness, and after checking in with Fury, she got to go back to the Tower.

Unsurprisingly, the boys were still awake despite it being 4 in the morning. They had clearly had shwarma and binge-watched The Office. 

"Hey, Tasha!" Clint waved once Natasha stepped out of the elevator. "How was the mission? You never answered my texts."

Natasha felt her body stiffen and she could hear the man reciting the old triggers again. "It was fine."

"Successful?" Tony shoved a handful of popcorn in his mouth. 

"No shit, Sherlock," Natasha half-heartedly smiled. 

"Would you care to join us, Lady Natasha?" Thor pointed at the TV.

"Sorry boys, I'm going to bed," Natasha turned and immediately went to her room. She put on pajamas and then immediately collapsed in her bed, trying her best to get some sleep and forget about the agent. 

Of course, it didn't work and Natasha ended up unintentionally pulling an all-nighter where she spent most of the night staring into the darkness. And for the next few days, Natasha was almost like a ghost. She barely left her room and when she did, she was silent and her eyes seemed empty. The morning after the mission, when she went to the kitchen for coffee, she barely acknowledged Clint when she tried to joke with her. She immediately returned to her room, not leaving again. Steve brought her food but she refused to touch it. The next day, it was the same routine. However, an added bonus was that she refused to train and spar with Steve. On the third day, she didn't even bother leaving her room until 1 in the afternoon, when she grabbed a granola bar and a cup of coffee and retreated back to her room. And during all three days, she tried everything she could to move on and forget what the agent had said. Unfortunately, it stuck to her mind like gum in her hair. After three nights of tossing and turning, Natasha gave up at 3am and went to the bar for some vodka. 

Meanwhile, Tony was down in the lab tinkering with his technology. 

"Sir, it appears that Agent Romanov is currently at the bar," JARVIS' voice filled the room. 

"At 3am?" Tony yawned. "Holy shit. Why'd you tell me, JARVIS?"

"Because you have programmed me to notify you when any of your teammates are alone and awake at unreasonable hours," the AI responded. 

"Huh, don't remember that," Tony deadpanned. "Guess I'm also a hypocrite. Alright, JARV, take me up."

Tony then hopped onto the elevator as it took him to the 'Common Level' of the Tower, where the kitchen, bar, and common area was. 

"Well, well, well, Little Red," Tony called out as he walked up to her. "Don't you think it's a little early for vodka?"

"No," Natasha deadpanned. 

Tony then got a closer look and realized that she was clearly stressed over something and mentally and physically exhausted. Immediately, he softened his gaze and tone. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Something like that," Natasha poured herself another shot. 

Tony squinted as he tried to put the pieces together. With her being quite literally the best spy, it was not easy. "Listen, I'm not a spy or anything, but let's face it. You're a mess."

"Thanks, how flattering," Natasha rolled her eyes. 

"Again, not a spy," Tony continued. "But something tells me that the mission you went on recently? Didn't go as 'fine' as you said."

Tony noted that Natasha flinched once he brought up the mission. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, you haven't talked to a single person since the mission, you haven't left your room, you turned the opportunity to kick Capsicle's ass, you haven't eaten for god's sake, and to top off the sundae, you clearly flinched when I brought it up."

Natasha sighed and downed her shot. 

"C'mon, please," Tony begged. "None of us like seeing you like this. You can talk to me."

"I have no place in the world," Natasha whispered, so softly Tony almost missed it. 

"Nat, that's not true," Tony shook his head. "Everyone here loves you and-"

"Tony," Natasha interrupted. "It's not that I don't love this team or job. I can't get all the memories from the past out of my head. I know for a fact you looked through my file at some point, so I'm just going to say it. Every single face of every single person I killed is stuck in my head and I see them every day. The screams are permanently engrained in my ears. My ledger is dripping, dripping, and dripping with red and I get rewarded with it? I don't deserve any of this! Why do you all want an assassin, a criminal, a murderer for god's sake living with you? Why haven't I been killed or punished? What did I do to earn everything I have?"

Tony took a moment to bring all his thoughts together before answering. "From what I gathered from your files, it was done by force. Everything you did and everything is done to you was against your will. You didn't get a choice to do any of it. Because if you did, I know damn well that you wouldn't have done it. You would've walked away from it all and never looked back. Natasha, you deserve everything you have right now and more. Why? Because you CHOSE to do good and you CHOSE to use your terrifyingly impressive skillset to save lives. Yes, your skillset has been used for evil in the past but now, you are on the path to redemption because of the choices you've made along the way."

Natasha just stared at Tony in disbelief. Was she dreaming? "B-but-"

"No buts, Itsy Bitsy," Tony cut her off. "I'm not a spy, but I am quite literally a genius. So which basically means I'm right."

"Thank you, Tony," Natasha choked out as she gave Tony a hug. 

"Anytime, Tasha," Tony happily returned the hug. Of course, he was rather caught off guard but he returned it nonetheless. 

"That's not the classic sass I've grown to love," Natasha smiled. 

"Oh, c'mon, Nat," Tony smirked. "I thought you knew me better than that. I may be a narcissist but I'm not letting my friends feel like shit. Ever."

"I'm kidding, Shellhead," Nat lightly punched his shoulder. "Everyone knows you're not a narcissist and a very, very generous man."

"Did Natasha Romanoff just compliment me?" Tony's jaw dropped. "Someone pinch me! JARVIS, did you get that?"

"Oh shush," Natasha rolled her eyes jokingly. 

"Now that that's done, more shots?" Tony asked.


End file.
